Below you can find an overview of the upcoming events
Between Men Fall ’24
community cohort
six month men’s group cohort
Sept. ’24 > Febr. ’25
This cohort is a six month commitment. If you’re interested, please read through the text below to make sure it’s a fit for you.
You’ve done some personal work and feel a part of your personal growth lies in exploring what it means for you to be a man?
You think this growth happens best together with other men?
You feel ready to go the extra mile and engage in a deeper, more intense journey?
You feel you lack the right people to support your journey. You’re in need of an authentic community of men, where open sharing and curious exchange feels possible?
The Between Men community cohort is an intensive men’s group project offering 12 three hour group meetings over six months from September ’24 to February ’25.
During our two weekly meetings we’ll build up a container of trust and will embark on a deep exploration of what masculinity means to each of you. Along the way we’ll have ample opportunity to practice our relational skills, increase our self-awareness and form strong bonds with each other.
Who is this for?
- You’re a man that has done some basic personal work, be it on your own or with support, but enough to make you feel a need for more personal growth.
- You feel your growth is connected to your experience of being a man in this world.
You have questions about how to take up your role as a man and don’t feel it’s as simple as some male role models tend to claim. You realize you need to do work to understand what your own version of masculinity is or could be. - You’ve tried some of this work on your own, but are aware you’d need other men to understand yourself better through them and through being understood by them.
- You don’t have access to a community of men you’d feel comfortable with to have this kind of conversations with, nor do you know enough men that would be open and willing to go on this journey of masculinity with you. To be honest, it makes you feel lonely at times.
- You’re at a stage where you’d want to dedicate some time, money and effort to your personal growth. You feel ready to commit to something more long-term, more intense, with the potential to gradually deepen your awareness and create community along the way.
- You’re a cis man of 18 years or older.
Read more about why this cohort is designed for cis men here.
This might not be for you if..
- You’ve never done any personal growth work at all, not individually on your own or with support, and certainly not in group.
- You’d want to try out and experiment with different resources for personal growth with the option to drop-out if it doesn’t feel right for you.
- You don’t feel you want to commit to a six month project at this point in your life.
- You’d want to join, but if you look at the dates (see below) you see you’ll have to miss almost half of the meetings or you have no idea what your availability is actually gonna look like in the Fall.
- You’re going through a crisis in your life and need mental health support.
This important need won’t be met in this cohort, given the intention is not for it to be a psychotherapy group. If you’re looking for mental health support, please refer to the links on the bottom of this page. - You’re looking for support in your sexual orientation.
This cohort is open to men of all sexual orientations, but the intention or the focus of this cohort is not to explore sexuality as such. The intention of the six month cohort is to explore masculinity and what it means for you to be a man. Although sexuality is an important part of our masculinity, it is by no means the priority in this cohort.
Please refer to the Rainbowhouse Brussels to find support in your exploration of your sexual orientation. - If you’re struggling to assess whether or not this might be a fit for you, feel free to drop me an email or book a call in my calendar through this link.
Why a six month cohort?
- Building up trust in a group of men requires time.
Many groups of men, consciously or unconsciously, live with an element of insecurity or distrust among them. Through a lack of understanding our biology and through social expectations, men have built up habits of relating with other men that can be harmful and oppressive. Unlearning these habits together needs time and practice, needs repetitive being together with other men in different ways, needs trial and error. - Robert Bly, one of the founders of men’s work in the early 80’s wrote ‘Our dads weren’t there for us, so we were all raised by women, and we can’t learn about manhood from women, so we have to learn about manhood from each other.’
Bly was from a different generation, so not all of what he says still holds truth for me today. However, in my experience learning about manhood on your own is hard, very hard, lonely and in ways impossible. We do indeed need other men to do this work. To explore and better understand our masculinity we need to encounter similarity and difference together with other men. And most of all, we need to do that in different ways than we are used to from the groups of men we’ve known.
To begin to understand these subtle ways of relating we need a dedicated group of men. In that way we can repeatedly practice relational skills and ways to express ourselves that go beyond established male habits. - In a six month cohort you can do this regular exploration of masculinity and you’ll be able to practice with a group of committed men. This has the potential to lay a foundation of personal growth than you then can take out into the world.
Who am I? & Why me?
I’m Thomas Ameel, I’m a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and coach (read more about my credentials here).
But most importantly, I’m a man in his early 40’s having gone and going through my own journey as a man.
As a young boy and adolescent, I often found discomfort and insecurity among men. This happened certainly in groups of men, but also in one on one interactions. I often found myself being part of male exchanges that were hurtful, involved put-downs and generally didn’t feel supportive.
For a long while I thought I was the problem and needed to ‘man up’, ‘be less sensitive’ or do something different that I hadn’t quite captured yet. Nonetheless, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I wanted more personal and open interactions with men.
Growing older and doing more personal work, I started to understand that it wasn’t about me, but more about what men do with each other. Slowly I started making different choices in my male friendships and environments, finding more satisfaction in other ways of being with men.
When I moved to the US for two years of study, I geared up my exploration of men’s work and started participating in retreats and workshop. At some point I felt I wanted to facilitate myself and started running groups in Portland, Oregon, where I was living. By the end of my time there, I was running a cohort of men together with a local colleague. Sadly I had to leave the US after graduating, but the group I had lead and worked with decided to continue without me. What a gift that was to me.
Since then this group of men has been meeting twice a month and when I was back there in April ’24 they invited me to one of their meetings. That night I was touched to be a part of such openness, vulnerability and support in a group of men. Seeing how they had grown together showed me what is possible in a group of men that commits to each other.
What to expect?
- Community building
With a committed group of maximum 10 men and 1 facilitator we’ll take time to get to know the other men in the group. Through storytelling and sharing we’ll build connections that can last beyond the Tuesday meetings - Self-selected topics
The first night will be a kick off night, we’ll get to know each other and will take time with the group to come up with topics that touch us as men. We’ll choose a list of topics that delve into masculinity and that you all are excited and curious about. Next, I’ll prepare the topics that have been chosen by the group and will come up with a program for each topic through exercises, sharing, conversation prompts, experience, guided meditation, .. - Open groups
Most of the nights will have a topic chosen by the group, but a small number of nights will have no agenda. This is challenging, because it means all input will have to come from you men. I will of course facilitate those nights, but it will be a great learning opportunity for us to practice expressing our needs and working with what’s present in the moment. It’ll also allow us to integrate and deepen some of the stuff that has come up for us through the topics we’ve worked with. - Professional facilitation
All groups will be prepared and facilitated to support structured growth. At times there will be guest co-facilitators, depending on the topic and availability. - Practicing relational skills
- The groups will be designed in ways to offer experiences in which participants are supported to be honest, respectful and direct in their communications with each other. This includes sharing similarities and resonance, but also navigating differences.
- We will work with techniques from Gestalt, authentic presence, guided meditations and others to practice defining what’s most important for us and to express our needs more accurately.
Practicalities
- 12 Tuesday nights in the Fall of ’24, from 19h to 22h
- September 10 & 24
- October 08 & 22
- November 05 &19
- December 03 & 17
- January 07 & 21
- February 04 & 18
- Location
GC Elzenhof, avenue de la Couronne 12, Ixelles - Price
- 540€ for the whole series
- early bird price of 495€ if you register before the 15th of August.
- Regarding attendance
Please check your availability before you register and keep the following in mind:- The first night is a kick off. It’s the start of the cohort and that night we’ll decide on the topics we want to focus on. It’s highly recommended to be present that first night, because you’d miss an important step in the building of our cohort group
- If further along the series you’ll miss one or two meetings, that’s ok and understandable. However, if you see in your calendar you’re gonna have to miss more than two, you might take a moment to reconsider if you’re really able to commit this time around.
Next steps
To help you figure out whether this is a fit for you or not, there are two free pre-events planned
- Wednesday 14th of August, 19h-20h:
Fall cohort online Q&A:
ask all your questions, share doubts and concerns, get more explanation about what the cohort will be about- signup here
- signup here
- Wednesday 21st of August, 19h30-21h:
Between Men free in person intro workshop:
- come join a 90 minute workshop, where you’ll get a chance to meet me and experience what a Between Men group could be like
- Location: Maxima, Rue de Montenegro 144, Forest
- signup here
- signup here
- Or feel free to contact me with questions, doubts, concerns. You can send me an email or you can book a call in my calendar through this link.
Ready to register for the cohort?
Since this cohort is a six month commitment, I want to make sure it is truly a fit for you and doesn’t at some point feel like you’ve made a wrong choice.
If after reading all the above you feel excited about this opportunity, I’m kindly asking you to book a free 20 minute intake call with me to learn more about your intentions, background, experience and to establish together whether this is the right cohort for you to join at this moment in your life.
Afterwards I’ll send you a link to register for the cohort.
This cohort isn’t what you’re looking for right now, but you do want to be kept up to date about future events?
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